*Every Wednesday, I will be posting either an excerpt or a page from one of my middle school diaries and reflecting on them as a (sort of) more mature human being. Names will be hidden to protect the person’s identity as well as their imminent embarrassment for my teenage perceptions of them.*

I honestly wish my life was still this boring.

Can we just take a moment to talk to breathe in this beautiful masterpiece that my diary should be honored to endure? One of my favorite things about my scribblings from nearly thirteen years ago was that I used to chat with my diary like it was my best friend. I used to apologize to it and accuse it of “not caring”, which is completely insane.

But to me it made sense, so I guess that was okay. Maybe. However, waking up at 11:30am would be a sin nowadays, I honestly cannot recall the last time I slept that late. Or showering at 1:00pm? What was I, an animal? Nonetheless, I was such a goofy ass nerd, playing Sonic the Hedgehog and grasping at hours to go on my dial-up internet to download radical hairstyles for The Sims 2.

Life was so easy.

I miss going to Blockbuster and renting video games at five buckeroos a pop and getting an eighty dollar late fee when I returned them a minute late. I miss browsing through countless movies on the shelf and being pissed off when a movie I was dying to see was checked out. I miss scanning the little candy section for snacks I could indulge in while I swooned over the hot-but-super-sensitive-dudes portrayed in romantic comedies. Ugh, I swear to potatoes, I miss Blockbuster so much.

We take being a kid for granted. When we’re younger, all we fucking want is to be an adult so we can do whatever the hell we please. Honestly? I wish I still had guidance. I wish I could still spend the day coloring or editing my MySpace with cutesy shit no one cared about except for me. I wish I could binge on games like Mass Effect for 8 hours and not feel like total shit because I have adult responsibilities.

I guess my point is, looking back on this specific day, was that I wish I would have felt that this day was perfect, because I spent the day doing things that I loved to do. It was so…mundane, but it was what I liked. If I could go back to this day and relive these moments and feelings, I would. They’re so mediocre, but they were carefree. I laugh at how ridiculous I used to be, but I also love that that was who I used to be and whatever lame experiences I’ve endured have molded me into who I am today.

I’m also incredibly happy that I kept all of my diaries from middle school, high school, even a couple years back, because recognizing any form of growth is so enlightening. I love dorky and pathetic Amanda.